Redesign of Project
After much consideration, I have chosen to do my final review for the Job Application Package. The reason why I chose this instead of the Product Description is because there is more use for this type of document in the real world. Even if the Product Description was the most interesting topic in the world, it will not help me advance or land a better job. The job application package has helped me improve my writing of cover letters as well as resumes. In this paper, I will begin by pointing out my corrections and justifying the alterations that I have made for this revision. I will also look at some instances that you did not comment on but which I believe should be corrected.
Aesthetics and Format
You have commented that my use of alignment, too much white space, and a few areas of overcrowding should be altered to make this more user-friendly. As a minimalist, I have a hard time deciding how much white space is too much. In my attempt to make the applications look more professional, I went too far from one extreme to the other. I have managed to reduce some of the excess white space although am really not sure whether the paper appeals you now. As for the formatting, the paper looks better now after corrected the areas you and commented. I also went through the paper again and established areas that needed proper formatted and I have worked on them.
Style and Effectiveness
Many of the areas that you have commented on being passive, contained my failed attempts to not include too many areas that had "me" or "I" in the sentence, per the lecture discussed in class. I had the rough draft written just like what you wrote I should have on the final draft, but after that lecture I went and changed around the areas where talked too much about myself. I knew that it didn't sound as good as I originally had it, but I thought it would get me a better grade since I was doing something I thought was asked for and didn't realize that even though there were less areas with me talking about myself, It began to be very passive in some areas. I understand that I should not use passive language in formal writing and that's why I have corrected the highlighted sentences. I have corrected the use of ineffective phrases such as, "I am also young enough" to "I am also capable of appreciating the flexibility" because this is a formal letter and employers are interested in an individual's performance rather than how young they are.
Grammar and Proofreading
I must admit that I have a big problem with grammar. The paper was full of grammar mistakes some of which I discovered on my own. I have worked on the areas you commented on and also the ones I have discovered. In many sentences, I had used the past tense instead of the present tense, for example, I had used "was" in place of "is" and "were" in place of "are". I had also referred to the nurses as "that" instead of "who". I have corrected these areas not only because you commented on them but because I feel that, they are grammatically wrong given the context. There are many sentences that needed proofreading of which I had done, and have corrected them according. For example, I have corrected the phrase "I still have a long way to become qualified" which was initially, "I still have a long way to go to before becoming qualified". Also, I have corrected "on board" from, "on being a board". These are some of the examples of the sentences I have corrected on the final paper. I had used "offered" while referring to a job advertisement instead of "posted". Jobs are not offered through advertisement but they are posted. They are offered after the successful completion of the interview.
I had used informal words in a formal letter for example, "2" instead of "two" and "I've" instead of "I have". I have corrected this to make the letter more professional. I have corrected the wording of, "It would be a credit" to "It would be an honor". Well, I can not outline all the words and sentences that I have corrected because they are far too many.
Punctuation and run-on sentences
I have a problem with the use of punctuation marks. There are many instances that I had not put commas but I have corrected. I have also discovered certain areas that required the use of semicolon and colons and I have corrected them. For example, I have corrected and used a colon in the sentence, "desire for continuing education, and aptitude for research seem to be held in utmost importance for this career, these became the focus of the cover letter", "to read, desire for continuing education, and aptitude for research hold an utmost importance for this career; these became the focus of the cover letter".
Use of capitalized letters
You have commented on two instances where I failed to use capitalized letters. The first instance is in reference to the Registered Nurses network, where I denoted it with Rn instead of RN. All networks and websites should be denoted by use of capital letters. The second instance is in reference to the courses I took. I have come to the understanding that, this course refers to the titles I hold and should be written in big letters for everyone to see. This will save the employers' time of having to go through the whole resume in search of the qualification I hold.
The course, English 202C, has been by far one of the most useful English classes I have ever taken. I find myself constantly checking my grammar, correcting run-on sentences, and finding subtle changes that I can apply to my writing to make it more effective. My strengths in this class include my ability to produce relevant, specific, and audience-friendly projects. I need to work on my grammar and punctuation the most. I am not a native English speaker but English 202c has really helped me in improving my writing skills.
I can now write an article on my own without much assistance since I have learned and understood the key areas in writing. Before starting the course, English was my poorly performed subject, but now I have made a significant improvement. With the knowledge I have acquired, I will be able to write formal letters and articles in the future. I can now write a formal letter with fewer errors than before. My speaking and listening skills have also improved and I can now communicate effectively in both the formal and informal setting.